How to Deal with Difficult People

Do you regularly deal with difficult people in your nonprofit workplace - whether it be coworkers, supervisors, board members, volunteers, and/or clients? Here are some simple techniques to save your sanity as well as facilitate a more positive and productive work environment:

• Breathe: This may sound simplistic but taking a deep breath before you speak helps you avoid the most common urge to get angry and defensive. This response may feel good at first yet it is rarely productive.

• Resist: State your point of view clearly and calmly, but try to resist the very human urge to win the argument. Winning will not facilitate workplace cooperation.

• Modulate: Pay attention to your tone of voice and body language. These often express more than actual words. Be sure your voice sounds neutral, pleasant, agreeable, and that your body language conveys a willingness to listen and understand.

• Listen: Pay attention actively and carefully to what the other person has to say. Give them time to speak their mind without interruption. Be willing to understand the difficult person's frustration without blame of defensiveness.

• Acknowledge: Offer your best assessment as to what he/she is feeling and ask for feedback. Here are some useful phrases to use: "It sounds like you feel; if I heard you correctly; so what you're really trying to say is; is there anything else?" Look for any kernel of truth in what they say. And focus on the positive intent; this can be as basic as a shared dedication to the organization and its mission.

• Apologize: A simple apology, whether it is for an actual mistake or for the manner in which you have communicated, is a very powerful and healing act.

• Appreciate: These days, with all the stress and economic challenges we are facing, folks often simply feel overworked and unappreciated. Remember to take a moment to appreciate the good work of your co-workers and clients, to thank your volunteers and board members. Simple gestures can make a big difference.

Above all, keep your eyes on the goal. The goal is not to be right; the goal is to further the work of your organization. Focus on the problem, not the person. Assume the best and give your difficult person the benefit of the doubt. Know that you cannot change another person's personality or behavior. You can change your own reactions. And in doing so, you may actually be able to change the dynamics of your working relationships.

Seven Basic Guidelines for Grantwriting

Looking for grant funding to help support your work? These guidelines will help you to use your time wisely as you evaluate your options:

1. Do a comprehensive fundraising plan first. Have an approved case statement that includes mission, goals, objectives, target population, agency history and achievement, organization budget, and project budget. You can use this to cut and paste into every proposal. And be sure your agency fundraising plan includes a diversity of funding sources including individual contributions, earned income, and grants.
2. Do your research. Your initial research and preparation are as important as the actual writing of the grant. You don't want to waste your time writing a proposal that has little prospect of being funded. Be sure that the foundation gives grants in your geographic area, has goals and objectives that are a match for your organization, accepts unsolicited proposals, funds at a level that is within an appropriate scale for your organization, and gives the  kind of funding you need (whether it be operating support, scholarships, or capital campaigns). You can search foundations databases at these places: CVNL - http://www.cvnl.org/, The Foundation Center - http://foundationcenter.org/, Volunteer Center of Sonoma County - http://www.volunteernow.org/.
3. Do a cost analysis. Weigh the benefits of receiving a project grant against the extra time and resources that will be required from you and your staff before you make your decision to apply. Sometimes grants end up costing more than they are worth.
4. Do know that most grants are project-based. The majority of available grants are for defined, time-limited projects with identifiable goals and outcomes, rather than ongoing operating expenses - although you can budget a limited amount of money for administrative costs within project grants.
5. Do assume any grant funding will be for one year only. It's a rare funder that provides continuing support over time. This does not mean you cannot apply again - in fact, you should do so, but never make presumptions that your project once funded will always be funded.
6. Don't fabricate. Never fashion a grant specifically for a granting agency that does not actually reflect the work of your organization. It is counter-productive - and unethical.
7. Do communicate effectively. Be precise and concise. Speak honestly and passionately. Use bullets, charts, and diagrams for readability. Find wording that is appropriate to the stated priorities. Match your goals to those of the funder. And be sure to have someone else read and edit before you submit.

Don't make the mistake of expecting grant funding to solve all your financial problems. Grants are a great way to fund specific projects, or to jump-start a new approach - but they only work well hand in hand with a solid financial plan that focuses on mission impact and the development of sustainable and diverse funding support.

The focus this fall in both Point Reyes and Petaluma is Greek, and I'm having a great time introducing new dances I learned while I was in Greece in August. I'll be teaching:

• Zaramo - This dance from Greek Macedonia was done at every festival I went to during my sojourn. Done in shoulder hold in 2/4 rhythm with variations called by the leader, the name means "shoulder to shoulder."
• Tsamiko Konitas - This lovely, elegant, 6-measure tsamiko (in standard 3/4 rhythm) is from Epirus.
• Hora Samson - Hora Samson is a classic and very popular Pontic dance. It's danced close together, traditionally in a closed circle, with the small bounces in the feet traveling through the whole body.
• Sofka - Another dance from Greek Macedonia, this one features a wonderful flowing pattern of steps moving first in line of direction and then in reverse line of direction.
• Pontic Halay - The footwork for this dance is a simple pattern similar to a basic hora or Hassaposerpico but done very slowly, to a beautiful modern piece of music that talks about the expulsion of the Pontic Greeks from their homes by the Black Sea and their longing to return.
• Paiduska - This fun Greek paidusko (in 5/8 rhythm) is similar to a classic Bulgarian paidusko, but with a twist.