You Might As Well Laugh: More Nonprofit Jokes

Feeling worn down with worry about raising enough money to fund your programs? Or burnt out by problem board members? Take this short timeout to laugh - I promise it will make you feel better.

     How many board members does it take to change a light bulb? It totally depends on the composition and skill set of your board. 
     If there is an electrician or handyman on the board, it only requires one. 
     But if there's a founder on board, the founder will probably insist that the old bulb is perfectly good and there is no need to change it, so you'll need a second member to create a diversion. 
     And if your board operates by consensus, you're going to need everyone to participate in order to change the darn bulb.

     A development director goes to a very devout donor and asks that he give what he can as God directs. 
     The donor says, "Give me a minute while I pray about this," and goes off into a corner to pray. He comes back and says, "God has told me to give $2,000." 
     The development director says, "May I pray for a moment as well?" and goes to same corner and prays. After five minutes she returns and says, "God wants to talk with you again."

     Benny's dog has died and he goes to see his Orthodox rabbi. "Rabbi, I wonder whether you could find the time to say a special blessing at my dog's grave?"
     The rabbi replies, "I'm afraid it isn't possible, Benny. In fact, the rules don't really make any allowance for animals."
      Benny says, "But I'm really upset, rabbi."
     "So maybe you should go to see the Reform rabbi over the road," suggests the rabbi.      
      As Benny walks away dejectedly, he turns to the rabbi and says, "What a shame. I was willing to donate $1,000 for such as service."
     At which point the rabbi shouts, "Come back, come back!"
     Benny turns around and says, "I thought you couldn't help me."
     "Ah," says the rabbi, "but you didn't tell me your dog was Orthodox."

Try these at your next board or staff meeting - it's remarkable how a moment of frivolity and laughter can really promote cooperation and teamwork. 
Have any good nonprofit jokes or stories of your own? I'd love to add them to my collection! Post one in the comments section, or email me at cjay@horizoncable.com.

Seven Fascinating Facts About Nonprofit History in the U.S.

I'm a history buff, as well as a nonprofit consultant. So, for your pleasure and entertainment, here are seven fascinating facts about the history of nonprofit organizations in the United States:

• When was the first nonprofit board in American formed? The first board dates back to the earliest settlers. The Massachusetts Bay Company's charter created that board, whose members were to be chosen for their "honesty, wisdom, and expertise."
• Who wrote the first documented fundraising appeal? Henry Dunster, Harvard's president, wrote the first written appeal for funds in 1643. He solicited wealthy and charitable Puritans living in England to support the American experiment.
• Who was the first fundraising consultant? It was Benjamin Franklin! Here is some of his spot-on advice for the Reverend Gilbert Tennant who was trying to raise funds for a new meeting house: "I advise you to apply to all those whom you know will give something; next, to those whom you are uncertain whether they will give anything or not, and show them the list of who have given; and lastly, do not neglect those who you are sure will give nothing, for in some of those you may be mistaken." By the way, Reverend Tennant more than met his goal and was able to build a big, elegant building for his congregation.
• What was the first big appeal for funds to help out in a disaster? In 1846, Americans gave generously for Irish famine relief during the big potato blight.
• When were the first tax deductions instituted? First, Congress had to establish the income tax - this happened in 1913, when the 16th Amendment to the Constitution was ratified. Later that year, the Revenue Act exempted organizations "organized and operated exclusively for religious, charitable, scientific, or educational purposes" from paying taxes. And in 1918, new laws permitted individuals to deduct charitable contributions that were up to 15% of their taxable income.
• When and where were the first Girl Scout cookies sold? That would be Muskogee, Oklahoma in 1918 where the Mistletoe Troop sold their home-baked cookies as a service project. Here's the recipe: Cream one cup of butter and one cup of sugar; add two well-beaten eggs, two tablespoons of milk, one teaspoon of vanilla, two cups of flour, one teaspoon of salt, and two teaspoons of baking powder. Refrigerate for one hour. Roll out the dough, cut into shapes, sprinkle sugar on top, and bake at 375 for 8 to 10 minutes.
• What big scandal rocked the nonprofit world in 1995? William Aramony, who was lauded as a visionary for his leadership of United Way from 1970 to 1992, was convicted on 23 counts of felony charges including conspiracy, fraud and filing false tax returns (apparently he used United Way funds to pay for his extramarital affairs). This scandal ushered in a whole new era of scrutiny, laws, and IRS regulations about nonprofit finance and governance.

Way back in 1835, Alexis de Tocqueville marveled at the great number of American voluntary organizations dedicated to providing charitable relief to the needy as well as offering solutions to society's problems. Many of our most well-known national nonprofits (from Planned Parenthood to the ACLU to Big Brothers Big Sisters) were founded in the early 1900's. By 1950 there were 50,000 nonprofits up and running in the U.S.; 250,000 by 1965; and a million by 1985. 

And today? Count yourself proud to be among the one and a half million plus nonprofits working to make this world a better place.

Top Three Fundraising Tips for 2014

According to Atlas of Giving, preliminary reports indicate a 12.9% increase in charitable gifts in 2013. Here are three suggestions for ways to keep your fundraising momentum going in 2014:

1. Market monthly donations: Do you have an easy option for donors to make monthly contributions? Your supporters - especially those who are younger - might have a hard time coming up with an annual $100 donation, but if you ask them for $10 a month it instantly becomes doable. After all, that's about the cost of two lattes at Starbucks and less than it costs to see a movie. Of course, you'll want to provide plenty of giving options, listing dollar amounts from large to small. And don't forget to thank your monthly donors at the end of the fiscal year with a personalized letter acknowledging their total annual contribution. The best two things about monthly donations? They are unrestricted and provide secure ongoing cash flow.
2. Know your donors: Does your donor wish to remain anonymous? Hate phone call asks? Love to give funds for scholarships? Volunteer regularly? Only like to give once a year? All of this information - and more - should be noted in your database. The more you know about your donors, the more effective your fundraising efforts will be. And here's the other thing - you also need to know your donor personally, through regular contacts via phone, email, meetings, invites to events, conference calls. Building a donor is like building a friendship and should be treated as such.
3. Tell your story: Face it - it's a digital world, and people have short attention spans. If you want folks to contribute to your cause, you need to capture them quickly and personally. And the best way to do this is with a (very short) story. People quickly tune out when you're reciting facts and figures; a personal story draws them in, invites their empathy, and motivates them to take action. I started using storying as part of my fundraising training sessions after a conference in which I was asked to recount how I got involved in the nonprofit world - in 90 seconds. It's amazing how focused you get when you have a time limit, and how much information can be packed into that minute and a half. It's also amazing how engaged the listener comes. Now I use this technique to train nonprofit boards and staff in making fundraising asks. I have participants practice telling a story about why they care about their organization or about a special success story. You should use the vehicle of story not just in direct personal contacts but also through video on your emails and website.

One crazy note: Atlas of Giving and Giving USA are in the midst of an amusing internet quarrel about who has bragging rights for charitable giving statistics. So - we may see different numbers in upcoming weeks, though both agree that giving has indeed increased. Stay tuned...