Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Jokes for Fundraisers

Feeling like your fundraising work rivals that of Sisyphus, the Greek king who was condemned to rolling an immense boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down - and repeat this through all eternity? Then perhaps it's time to take a break and enjoy a few of my favorite jokes:

     A hurricane blew across the Caribbean. It didn't take long for the expensive yacht to be swamped by high waves, sinking without a trace. There were only two survivors who managed to swim to the closest island - the boat owner Dr. Eskin and his steward Benny. After reaching the deserted strip of land, Benny started crying. Dr. Eskin, however, seemed completely unperturbed as he relaxed on the beach.
     "Dr. Eskin, how can you be so calm?" cried Benny. "We're going to die on this lonely island. We'll never be discovered here."
     "Sit down and listen to what I have to say, Benny," began the confident Dr. Eskin. "Five years ago, I gave the United Way $500,000 and another $500,000 went to Stanford University. I donated the same amount four years ago. Three years ago, since I did so well in the stock market, I contributed $750,000 to each. Last year business was even better, so the two charities each got a million dollars."
     "So what?" shouted the frustrated Benny.
     "Well, it's time for their annual fund drives, and I know they're going to find me," replied Dr. Eskin.

     A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"
     "No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
     "Never heard of him. What did he write?"
     "A check," replied the guide.

     At a circus, the strongman Hercules startles everyone with magnificent feats of strength, lifting hundreds of pounds over his head and putting a fist through a solid wall. For his final act, he takes a lemon and squeezes it. At first, the juice dribbles out quickly, then it slows down, and finally not a single drop comes out. The circus manager steps forward and says, "I will personally give anyone who can squeeze even one more drop from this lemon two hundred dollars." Two large men step forward. Each one squeezes the lemon with all his might, but not a drop comes out,
     "Does anyone else want to try?" the manager asks.
     A short, slightly built man steps forward. People in the crowd snicker. The man picks up the lemon and squeezes. Juice gushes out. The manager is stunned. He steps forward with the cash, but as he hands the money over, he can't resist asking, "Who are you? What do you do?"
     "Seymour Goldstein," the man replies. "I'm a fundraiser for the United Jewish Appeal."

Have any good fundraising or nonprofit jokes of your own? I'd love to add them to my collection! Email with your best at cjay@horizoncable.com