More Jokes for Fundraisers


A year ago, I wrote a blog post featuring my favorite fundraising jokes. Little did I know that this would become my most popular post! Here are a few more, in honor of April Fool's Day:


     A doctor, a lawyer, and a fundraiser arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them they each get one wish before entering Heaven. The doctor asks for a million dollars, St. Peter grants the wish, and the doctor enters Heaven. This generosity did not go unnoticed by the lawyer, who proceeds to ask for a billion dollars. St. Peter grants his wish, and the lawyer enters Heaven.
     Then St. Peter asks the fundraiser what she would like. She quickly replies, "If it's not too much trouble, could I please get the business cards of the two people who entered heaven just ahead of me?"


     A local United Way office realized that they had never received a donation from the town's successful lawyer. Their development director called to persuade him to contribute.
     "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of $500,000, you donate not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
     The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills?"
     Embarrassed, the United Way representative mumbled, "Um...no."
     The lawyer interrupted, "Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?Or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident, leaving her penniless with three children?"
     The humiliated United Way representative, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
     On a roll, the lawyer cut him off again. "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


     Four ladies from their synagogue's fundraising committee are driving home one Sunday afternoon when they are involved in a terrible car crash. Unfortunately, none of them survive. When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, they are kept waiting to get into Heaven because the angel at the Gates can't find them listed in the book of new heavenly arrivals.
     "I'm sorry," he says to them, "but I can't find you in the book." So he sends them down to Hell.
      A week later, God visits the Pearly Gates and says to the angel, "Where are those nice Jewish ladies who were supposed to be here by now?"
     "You mean the fundraisers? I didn't see them listed, so I sent them down to Hell," replies the angel.
     "You did what?" God says. "I wanted them here. If you don't want to join them, you'd better call Satan and get them transferred back here right away."
     So the angel phones Satan and says, "Satan, you know those Jewish ladies I sent you last week? Well, we really need them up here. Could you please send them back?"
     "Sorry, I can't oblige," Satan replies, "they've been down here only one week and already they've raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system."


Have any good fundraising jokes of you own? I'd love to add them to my collection. Post your joke in the comment section, or email it to cjay@horizoncable.com.