I was thinking about writing a blog post on the potential IRS investigation into the NRA’s nonprofit status, or the campaign to close Planned Parenthood clinics, or the big nonprofits that are operating immigrant detention centers. But instead, it seemed like time to bring out the jokes again.
So here you go:
A doctor, a lawyer, and a fundraiser arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells them they each get one wish before entering Heaven. The doctor asks for a million dollars, St. Peter grants the wish, and the doctor enters Heaven. This generosity did not go unnoticed by the lawyer, who proceeds to ask for a billion dollars. St. Peter grants his wish, and the lawyer enters Heaven. Then St. Peter asks the fundraiser what she would like. She quickly replies, "If it's not too much trouble, could I please get the business cards of the two people who entered heaven just ahead of me?"
Staff at a nonprofit come to work to find that their office has been broken into and many things stolen.“ Oh, no,” says the ED, “we got a check for a major donation at the event last night. I hope the thieves didn’t get it.” ”No worries,” says the Finance Director, “I stashed it where no one would ever look in a million years,” and comes back with the check. “Where did you put it?” the ED asked. “In a copy of our strategic plan.”
Staff at a nonprofit come to work to find that their office has been broken into and many things stolen.“ Oh, no,” says the ED, “we got a check for a major donation at the event last night. I hope the thieves didn’t get it.” ”No worries,” says the Finance Director, “I stashed it where no one would ever look in a million years,” and comes back with the check. “Where did you put it?” the ED asked. “In a copy of our strategic plan.”
A nonprofit’s Board Chair, Treasurer, and Executive Director are captured by terrorists and condemned to death by firing squad. Each is granted one wish before dying. The Board Chair says he wants to embark on a lengthy, intense process to develop a new strategic plan. The Treasurer says it’s time for the organization to have a complete financial audit. And the ED says, "Shoot me first."
A Development Director found a magic lamp, and rubbed it. Presto! A genie appeared and offered the Development Director one wish. Not wanting to be greedy, she said, "I wish for one million dollars to support my organization." "Done," said the genie. "Come to your office tomorrow, and it will be there.” The next day she arrived at the office, and when she opened the door, three million binder clips fell out. "What the hell?" she said to the genie. "I asked for one million dollars! "Yes," said the genie, "but you didn't say it couldn't be in-kind…"
The ED of a nonprofit community center was faced with the prospect of asking folks at the annual fundraiser to come up with more money than expected. He asked the musician for the evening to be sure to play some inspirational music after his speech. So after the ED announced, "Friends, we are in great financial difficulty – any of you who can pledge $500 or more, please stand up," the pianist played The Star Spangled Banner.
An angel appears at a nonprofit board meeting and tells the ED that in return for her unselfish and exemplary behavior, the will be rewarded with her choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the ED selects infinite wisdom. “Done,” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke. Now, all heads turns toward the ED, who sits surrounded by a faint halo. A board member whispers, “Say something.” The ED replies, “I should have taken the money.”
We may be in the midst of a constitutional crisis, but a few jokes and some big laughs can help us all in these times. I hope it does so for all of you.
