Friday, March 29, 2013

Nonprofit Laughs for April Fool's Day

You have to have a sense of humor if you're in the nonprofit business, especially in this era of recession and cutbacks. So, in honor of April Fool's Day, here are three of my favorite jokes:

     A rabbi, a cantor, and the synagogue board president are captured by terrorists and condemned to death by firing squad. Each is granted one wish before dying.
     The rabbi says he wants to preach the sermon he's always wanted, as long as he wants, with no censoring of his themes.
     The cantor says he wants to sing a whole service, choosing only his own favorite melodies and singing every verse of every song.
     The president of the board says, "Shoot me first."

     The president of the congregation goes to visit his rabbi in the hospital, who has just suffered a mild heart attack. He says, "Rabbi, the board just voted 12 to 8 to  wish you a speedy recovery!"

     The board president of a national nonprofit just unveiled a new fundraising campaign slogan this week to inspire the rest of the board to donate: "I Upped My Pledge: Up Yours!"

And here's a wonderfully weird, funny, and absolutely true news story for you:

     New York State's highest court has ruled that Nite Moves, an adult "juice bar" in Latham, New York, simply can't claim a tax exemption on entrance and performance fees for what it calls "musical arts performances." According to the Court of Appeals' surprisingly close 4-3 decision, "it is not irrational for the tax tribunal to decline to extend a tax exemption to every act that declares itself a 'dance performance.'"
     Speaking for the dissent, Judge Smith said, "Like the majority, I find this particular form of dance unedifying - indeed I am stuffy enough to find it distasteful. Perhaps, for similar reasons, I do not read Hustler magazine; I would rather read the New Yorker. I would be appalled, however, if the state were to exact from Hustler a tax the New Yorker did not have to pay, on the grounds that what appears in Hustler is insufficiently cultural and artistic."
     Despite this compelling argument, a majority ruled otherwise, expanding on its argument with delightfully purple prose: "If ice shows presenting pairs ice dancing performances, with intricately choreographed dance moves precisely arranged to musical compositions, were not viewed by the legislature as 'dance' entitled a tax exemption, surely it was not irrational for the tax tribunal to conclude that a club presenting performances by women gyrating on a pole to music was also not a qualifying performance entitled to exempt status."  

Have any good nonprofit jokes or stories of your own? I'd love to add them to my collection! Post one in the common section, or email me at

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